Monday, January 8, 2007

Things that make me go....EEEW!

Get ready, this is a gross one. Now, you can't say that I didn't warn you ahead of time.

I came home from my therapist appointment this morning and ran straight to the bathroom. I had to pee, really, really badly. I made it just in time. While contemplating my timely arrival, I looked down and saw something that made me go eew. Apparently, I missed a crucial detail this morning when getting dressed. My underwear, at the site of where the crotch should be...well, there wasn't a crotch left at all. It was still connected, but only by the strand of elastic that runs around the right leg. I went to my therapist's office and ran errands all while crotchless!!! Sure I had the remnants of underwear but they weren't really functioning as underwear anymore. I can't believe I didn't even notice that I was walking around in string underwear that were never intended to be string style. Now, I know what your are thinking, " a person who blows out her underwear with the power of her own cooter may want to have some tests done; the threat of infertility may be the least of your problems." Well, in this case, the dog is the one doing the creative alterations. The Jack Russell Terrier frequently gets a hankering for my underwear...usually when they are lightly seasoned. Then it hit me that maybe I was wearing crotchless AND dirty underwear. To my great relief, they were clean, whew. So it seems that I failed to notice that this pair had been made into a pooch snack when I threw them into the laundry this weekend. I am considering keeping them around as a decoy, perhaps then she will be less likely to go after the ones that are still in one piece. Although, it probably wouldn't be effective as a decoy if they were clean.

21 comments:

Ol' Lady said...

Hahahahaha...when I was a kid growing up we had a GSD lab cross and every chance she got she was in someones hamper gettin undies...she would chew and chew them till there was nothing left...never did figure out why dogs do it. You could always solve the problem by just going 'commando' :)

Sara said...

This is a hysterical story, Nicole. The best part is where you get all panicky thinking they might be crotchless AND covered with dog slobber. If you want to hang onto them as a decoy, that's simple: just don't wash them when you take them off today. But the decoy plan is not without it's own risks: I can think of a few scenarios where you might not want the JRT running around the house with a mouthful of panties.

Aurelia said...

I'm dying laughing...okay, time to buy him his own chewable underwear in a color that doesn't match yours, and lock your own up, in a drawer somewhere?
Although I do love the idea of "cooter power."
Still laughing!

Not so little sister said...

I crack you up? This is hilarious!!

Jon said...

LOL...

Sanni said...

LOL - that´s way too funny =)

Awwwwww! Way to cute =)

Today I´m not only here to give you my daily dosis - I´ve created a blogroll containing the paticipants of "Exercise For Comments" named "get me running". It´s in the right sidebar directly under the pledge picture. Could you please have a look at it if I missed somebody?

Thanks a lot!

Meri-ann said...

Too funny!!

DeeJay said...

Not too long ago I caught my chihuahua in my daughter's dirty laundry basket mid-panty raid. He growled at me when I made him get out.

TInk said...

Ha ha ha ha ha.... just another reason why I don't want a dog any time soon. ;)

And of course you may add my link to your page!

Have a good one and don't forget to exercise!

Heather

Dino aka Katy said...

i have to say my pups are good about not chewing things up. I did come home a while ago and couldn't figure out this fishy smell - until a few days later I found what was left of my bottle that had fish oil capsuled in it that I have to take for my cholesterol.

theoneliner said...

oh too funny. my dog does that too. he loves to grab my undies. and i cannot even tell you what he does with them.
i read somewhere that they do this when they think you are their mother.
sweet, i guess? but def. YUCKY.
Don't think you are weird for not wearing undies...bc um, er, well...I often do not wear undies at all : O

JF, scientist said...

Definitively time for some new underwear. And maybe a locked box to keep it in.

Think he could be diverted with dirty socks?

jane said...

ahahahaha omgosh this isn't as gross as i thought it was going to be. it's hilarious! my daughter (whose real name is nicole too) says her dogs go after her underwear too. either it's the dog...or the name, nicole. ;)

well, at least we know you were good n aired out that day.

Barbara said...

Hello! Hope your wardrobe malfunctions ended yesterday.

Sharla Dawn said...

I wear the string bikini type till they break. And they usually break in the middle of the day. I just tie the ends together (on my hip) and then toss them out when I get home :)

Renee said...

here to make you exercise. :D

That's so funny. We used to have a dog that was into underwear...he liked socks too. The sad part was that we were a family that leaves the bathroom door open unless occupied and he could get the hamper door open...so we had to start closing the bathroom door. Very hard to do when you've been trained the other way.
And then of course finding your underwear in the yard after it's been through the system is quite enjoyable...NOT!

Steven Novak said...

You warned me...but I still read...and I regret it...

Ew. ;)

Steve~

Renee said...

That anti-snow protection sounds perfect! I'll go out and get those today...if I can find them.

There are no more snow shovels or snow blowers anywhere in the Metro area.

serenity said...

TOO funny. I'm literally laughing out loud - my officemates are wondering why, I think. :)

thrice said...

If you would prefer for your Jack Russell Terrier to leave your laundry alone, you might want to try adding a capful of white vinegar and a 1/4 cup of baking soda to your wash cycle. It should remove the, um, scent that your dog seems to love.

I'm wondering if the saying "all men are dogs" comes from this kind of a story.

Veronika said...

So THAT's how crotchless panties originated, huh?
You 'crack' me up, girl!
:)