Friday, January 5, 2007

More medication, please.

During the two week wait, I drive myself bonkers, more than usual in fact. I just can't seem to convince myself to relax and give it the full year I am supposed to give to the effort of trying to conceive. I am acutely aware of some of my blogosphere friends and reads that would likely laugh me out of the web for wallowing in sorrow in only the first few months of trying. Only a few people understand by personal experience, the incredible challenge of going off your meds. My mind feels a bit clearer in some aspects, as a result of dropping so many of my prescriptions in order to increase my chances of conceiving a fetus without neural tube defects. However, in so many other ways, my mind, including emotions, thoughts, organization, logic, is intensely disturbed and clouded. It's painful. Every failure each month guarantees an extra month of this same pain. My husband gave me in my stocking an awesome magnet to hang on the fridge. It's one of those Anne Taintor creations with the words, "More medication, please." Love this magnet, and the words have stuck with me. I would really really like some more medication, please.

14 comments:

Aurelia said...

I looked at that picture and fell on the floor!
Seriously, I know this is hard for you, but it will get better over time, and hey, the baby you get in the end will make all the difference, right?
So, just to save yourself some extra wasted months, did you two ever consider getting a basic fertility work-up from both your Docs, just to start?
You probably don't have any issues at all, but for your hub at least, all he's have to do is enjoy himself in a cup. And a couple of blood tests for you...a checkup?
If every lost month really is that awful, then why not? It could even be reassuring.
And if you've already done this...ignore me. Just an idea.

Sanni said...

I liked your idea of the exercise so much I decided to do it as well!
Please come round and give me a minute =)

Not so little sister said...

I love her stuff! I have one that says, "He was a blues song waiting to happen." Anyway, I'm sure it's frustrating but you'll get there in every sense. I promise.

Molecular Turtle said...

I love her stuff as well. I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts are with you.

Dino aka Katy said...

I knopw exactly how you feel. I have been on this medication that is supposed to get my cycle back to normal and allow me get pregnant - its been over a year and nothing. Just recently my cycle started to come on by its own and every month I hope and so far every month I was dissapointed.

Ol' Lady said...

You should stop trying to get pregnant and get your doctor to give you some placebo meds to mess your mind into another state, then 'decide' that your really do not want a baby, go get a real large mortgage, go buy 2 new vehicles with large payments, get 2 dogs and a job working midnights for the extra premium to help pay for all the new shit...don't forget to run all your credit cards up to the max...wait 2 months so you know that you are going to be cutting it close to make all the payments...then pee on the stick...you will be prego at that point...and wonder what the hell are you going to do now. But at least in the end you get what you want. Try it, I did something similar...and Wham!! a couple of my friends years ago...same thing :)
Hope it all changes for you soon.

Barbara said...

What people will do for their children. You certainly have a high price to pay.

Erin said...

Every month when I'm ovulating or just after, I can't help but think "well, that could've been a baby." Maybe next month.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Jon said...

They could put that on my headstone - "More Medication Please".

Emilija said...

I love your blog! And I admire your courage to go off meds for a good cause. I wish you the best.

Sara said...

That magnet is brilliant, your husband did a good thing when he bought you that. Wishing you all possible expediency.

Kristen King said...

Aww, good luck! I'll be thinking about you and hoping you get great news soon. In the meantime, keep your mind on fun things, like Anne Taintor (looooooover her!). As soon as you stop trying, it will happen. Keep us posted, and stay strong!

Kristen
www.LivelyWomen.com

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I sure will keep you in my heart and prayers. Hope it all works out!!!!

I would like less medication. I wish I could be healthy and happy with none. (But I want you to have what you want and need!)

TInk said...

Although we're just strangers mingling on the net, I'll be sure to send some prayers your way.

Remember..... ((as crazy as this sounds)) laughter is the best therapy! You'll get through this and there is light at the end of the tunnel.