And now, I don't know what to do. Lots of stuff I am supposed to be doing but not a lot of stuff I want to do right now. In fact, there isn't anything I want to be doing except sleeping. The list of stuff that I am supposed to do over the break is too long, and seems to grow longer everyday. Number 1 on the list is to look for a job for the summer. Bleh! Instead of being productive, I think I will just sit down and write a list of all of the stuff I am going to do...tomorrow. Yeah, that's the ticket. Tomorrow will be busy, I swear.
In the meantime, I am putting off seeing my therapist for another week. Usually, I find it difficult to get through a week without seeing her. Now, I just don't feel like talking about it all. I have said everything that's rattling around in my head and I am sick to death of listening to myself. I feel that my relationship with my therapist has gone a bit stale after almost 10 years on her couch. However, I do know that every thought I have towards my therapist is really just a reflection of myself. What I mean is that I am stale with myself. When I get frustrated with her, I am really frustrated with me. Sound like psychological bullshit? Well, perhaps it is but that doesn't make it any less true.
So I am feeling very listy today, and think I will satisfy my urges with a list. This one's a bit odd, I know. It's a list of my themes, stuff that seems to be highlighted as I go through life. In my story, a theme can be almost anything, even people. Here's my list so far...
- Rain: almost all of the most memorable moments of my life consist of rain in one way or the other, I just feel so nested when it rains.
- November: other than the fact that this is my birth month, all kinds of stuff happens to me in November every year, plus I have a strangely high number of friends who were also born in November
- Elephants: can't really describe this one, they just keep coming up
- Fire: I gravitate towards it, not in the arson style, but just when it happens to be around, I need to be near it.
- China: nope, not the delicate tableware, but the country. everything I love seems to have some relationship to China. I've never been there but would love to go, preferably with someone who is from China.