Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Gifts that keep on giving

After going over Tertia's blog, I couldn't resist addressing her same topic. She asks her bloggers what their worst and best gift has been over the years. Love that she limits it to material things and takes the words right out of sappy people's mouths by outlawing cheesy responses like the baby growing in my belly reply. Yuck. I want materialism here. So I thought I would share some of the best and worst, but mostly the worst, from my gift getting history.

Worst all time gift for me has to be one from my first husband. We'll just call him ass to keep it short and to the point. Ass had a cat that was carving up all of my somewhat decent furniture. Thus, in his ultimate wisdom and thoughtfulness, Ass gave me a cat scratching tower for Christmas. Wrapped it up and everything. Lovely.

Second worst gift wasn't so bad, if I had given it to Ass for Christmas. During the same year as the scratching post, Ass gave me the CD box set of the Rolling Stones. I don't particularly care for the Stones, but he did. In fact, apparently, he loved them more than he loved me.

Another great gift from Ass said a lot about what he thought of me. A full length, full skirt made of black velour. Wore it once and everyone asked me if I was preparing early for Halloween. Perfect.

Towards the end of the marriage, it got even better. Instead of buying me CD's, he just burned some for me. Normally, I would appreciate the effort, no matter how illegal. Unfortunately, the source of music was questionable. Turns out the burned music came from his girlfriend's CD collection, some of the CD's were ones he bought for her. Well, at least he fucked women with similar tastes in music. I admire consistency and efficiency.

Best gift this year was my little shuffler iPod. This is definitely something I would never have bought myself which made it all the more special. It was a total surprise from Husband and he was proud as a peacock when I opened it. It comes with a lanyard so I can use it while I am working off the comments on my treadmill. So leave a comment damnit! I have hours of podcasts from NPR to listen to and need some comment motivation. Also, feel free to leave your best or worst gift in your comment. Love reading that stuff, especially the bad gifts. By the way, I am pretty sure Husband would put on his bad gift list the nose hair trimmer I put in his stocking this year. Well, it made me laugh, that's what's important.

By the way, Veronika, if you are reading this, I hope you get a good chuckle, it's the only thing I know that helps.

13 comments:

the waiting line said...

. . . I got the pimp little iPOD shuffle this year too. it rocks!

best gift ever.

the waiting line said...

. . . worst gift ever:

anything from my stupid, superficial, self-congratulating aunt (how's that for bitter). she gives us crap like pictures of her and her 80-year-old husband (who is 20 years her senior), a singing santa ("because your husband likes music"), a tacky x-mas ornament (we get this every year, I'm sorry - I hate it), plastic organizer for my kitchen cabinets (I shit you not).

. . . alrighty, now get on that treadmill, yo!

The Town Criers said...

I have been staring at the screen for a full five minutes, trying to think up the best and worst gifts. What does that say that I can't think of them? Photo printer was pretty fantastic. Gigantic bee pin that ripped a hole in my shirt when I tried to put it on? Not so great. Best gift was probably the honeymoon because Josh planned the whole thing without really telling me anything. So it was a great gift. Total relaxation.

Aurelia said...

Best gift right now, my new camera. Worst gift ever, electric sandwich maker from my half-brother. It went right out to Goodwill without ever leaving the box

TheTwoWeekWait said...

Hi, firstly thanks for dropping by my blog. I too am in the 2ww. The worst present, my friend gave me a packet of flower seeds. I to this day don't know why she has got better with age, but only just.

Barbara said...

Heloo - Here your comment!

jane said...

If there's one good thing the asshole has given you, that's plenty of stories for us to now laugh at him! The Stones Cd gift totally cracked me up.
Offhand, I can't remember the best or the worst.
We have a bipolar webring if you'd like to join. For info, go to: http://bipolarplant.blogspot.com or email me @ janelovestarzan.com if you have any questions.

Sharla Dawn said...

Came over from Jane's. Liked you enough to blogroll you :)

Just HAVE to throw in my advice (I must, I must, I must increa... oh wait). No, seriously. I tell everyone about this. I used to be BiPolar. You read that correctly. I am no longer BiPolar because I started taking a natural vitamin/mineral supplement from Canada. Woohoo a cure. Of course, I also discovered in the course of this that I have Celaic Disease. I also tell everyone to have the doctor check for that if you've got a mental problem. *who me? mental?* Anyway, the vitamins website is www.truehope.com. And no, they don't pay me or anything. They don't have to. After years of being stoned on various meds (including Lithium) I switched to this and voila- no moods, no side effects, no problems... and as far as I know, you can take it pregnant.

Sara said...

W00t! iPodness!!! Tell you-know-who he rocks. :)

Not gonna play best/worst 'cause too many gifters (of both bests and worsts) have the URL to your blog now ;)

On second thought:
Best: When I was 3, all I wanted in the world was "lace sheets." And I got a set of white sheets with eyelet trim. I loved them SOOOOOOO much!

Worst: Tin of walnut toffee from a Secret Santa a few years back. What part of "Walnuts will kill me" have you missed from all the previous work potlucks? D'oh

Barbara said...

Nicole - What a cool gift! an iPod rocks!

Good riddance to the ex-husband!

My worst gift: Old lady style clothing from my mother in law.

Sharla Dawn said...

I forgot to answer. Um, I wouldn't say this was my worst gift, but just this Christmas, my mom gave me a very nice skirt and matching top. It was black. Fine. It was wrinkle proof, even better. The top had a western style FRINGE on it. A fridge!! I cringed. I'll wear it anyway. And never go outside.

Barbara said...

Nicole - Did you see this: The Worst Christmas Presnt Ever Contest

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I wouldn't know how to use an IPOD but sure understand the pain at ass's gifts, UGH! What a horror show.