Crazy conversations

So I am definitely on my way to crazyville, where there are no meds but plenty of unsolvable problems. I am up to two total and complete breakdowns a day. Good times to be had by all. Studying for finals has me wanting to either eat my casebooks or burn them for firewood. It's both cold in here and I am really hungry all of a sudden. Sleep is becoming elusive, but when I am able to visit slumberland I have plenty of nightmares. The big fertility calendar that I am using says I may be able to detect the pregnancy hormone with a test on Monday. It's everything I can do not to test beforehand. The pregnancy tests sit on my bathroom counter and call to me everytime I am in there. They sing to me and say "Stick me in a cup of that warm, sunny, sterile stuff only you can give us. Come on you know you want to." Oh, and I do. "Why not use all five of us to be doubly sure of the disappointment of knowing that you are in for an additional month off your meds and an extended stay in crazyville. Those casebooks are so tasty and good for the colon."..."You can always buy more of us, in a hurry, at the drug store, for the mere price of one arm and one leg for just one precious test." I need to start wearing earplugs in the bathroom. Great, what's that gonna cost me?

My husband and I have conversations with our imaginary children, they go something like this...

Little crazy child: Mommy, why do you drink so much?
Me: Because you're bad.

LCC (crying): I am so so sad that I make you drink, mommy.
Me: Tell it to your therapist.

LCC: But I don't have a therapist.
Me: You will.

I am going to make a great mother, aren't I? I try to keep therapists and psychiatrists in business, where would they be without me?