Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Scotch or wine? Decisions, decisions.

No heartbeat. Just a 9 week old dead fetus. It is officially over. I will be meeting with Doctor this afternoon to "discuss" my options. I put discuss in quotes, because I have already decided that I want a D&C, and I want it NOW. I know he is going to try and convince me to wait and miscarry naturally or even to go with methotrexate, but for me that isn't even an option. I have had enough of the waiting game, and I just want to give Pooter the heave-hoe, and start over. Plus, I need to know when the enormous hormone drop is going to happen so I can schedule the Klonop1n accordingly. Not only that, but I have no desire to watch or see the products of the miscarriage in color. No thank you. Such a lovely Spring Break I am having. I will likely post again today after the ensuing argument I am about to have with Doctor.

39 comments:

serenity said...

Oh Nicole. I am so fucking sorry to see these posts.

*hug*

Casey said...

I'm so sorry, Nicole. I'm so, so sorry.

Miss Rabbit said...

I don't know you, but I am thinking about you. I had went through this myself three and a half years ago. Sorry.

Not so little sister said...

((((Nicole))))

Thinking of you...I'm so, so, so sorry.

Sky said...

I am so so sorry. Stick to your guns on wanting the D&C - you know what is best for you. Could you bring in your husband to the Dr's meeting as well as another forceful voice arguing for what you want? Sometimes we need back-up when something traumatic like this happens.
You know what is best for you. Take care of yourself.

Aurelia said...

I'm sure you will get a D&C if you ask, it's below this number of weeks they talk about using misoprostol, simply because a very early D&C can sometimes need to be redone. Not fun.

One way to get what you want is to talk about getting tissue analysis done, chromosomal or placental or both. You may not actually care about getting this done, but a D&C helps with this.

As for the hormones, well, they can be a rollercoaster. I'm so sorry this had to happen...I'm thinking about you and worrying about you.

XX

Nadine said...

Oh Nicole. I am so sorry. I hope you can feel our hugs and support. I will be thinking of you.

terri s. said...

That just sucks. I'm so sorry. I'm here babe, if you need me.

Sara said...

I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry. This sucks rotten eggs.

You know I've done it both ways. Each method has its pros and cons, and what's important is what *you* want. Don't let them bully you into their medical model of Good Womanhood. You're the one in charge of your body.

Jenny F. Scientist said...

(((Nicole)))

I'm so sorry.

carrie said...

Oh, Nicole. I'm just so, so sorry.xpttv

carrie said...

sorry, that xpttv at the end of my comment was me trying the word verification for the THIRD time. but it sums up how i feel about what's happening with you. XPTTV, universe!

Sarah said...

Nicole... I am so sorry... Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you even though there aren't really any words to "make you feel better".

Jessica said...

Oh, Nicole,

I am just getting back to reading blogs.

I am so sad to read this.

I don't even know what to say.

I care about you and am praying for you.

I have been planning to email you re: your kindness and how you have helped me so much recently.

I am just so sorry Nicole.

love,
jessica

Adrienne said...

Damnit. Damnit, damnit, damnit.

I don't know what to say except I am so fucking sorry this is happening to you.

Knee that doctor in the balls until he gives you what you want. YOU are the customer/patient and YOU know what you and your body need. (FWIW, I felt the same way this past December. And I've had it happen the other way, too. The D&C was much better for my mental health. And they could do the chromosomal testing, too.)

((HUGS))

Sara said...

I'm so sorry to hear :( (((hug)))
I agree with everyone else, tell him that is what you want and don't take no for an answer, you know what is best for you.

Susan said...

Both. Drink them both.
This just sucks so much. I am just so terribly sorry. So very sorry.scout11

Dino aka Katy said...

I am so sorry - being in the same boat of trying to conceive (having been unsuccessful for 2 years) I can only imagine what you feel.

2 girls I work with both miscarried and got pregnant right away again with healthy babies born full term. (the kids will be 2 this year) so don't give up hope you will have that baby.

As for the scotch or wine - I'd like you to stay away from both - fennel tea would be good.

Patience said...

Oh fuck Nicole- this is just wrong and I'm so very, very sorry...

For my last m/c I had the metho injection, then waited and waited and waited and nothing happened and ended up having a d&c anyway - so stick to your guns babe.

Much love and alcohol xxx

jane said...

Oh my god, I am so, so sorry Nicole. My heart hurts for you. I wish I could hug you.

Colette said...

Nicole...I am so sorry I wish I could take your pain away! I am here for you if you need me! Colette...PS...fight for the D & C...It needs to be done! Get back on that horse again and keep trying...you are most fertial after miscarriages...that is what I hear! Go for it! Don't give up hope...like I did! ((((HUGSand ******kissses)))))

Bumble said...

Oh Nicole. I'm so sad for you hun. There's nothing I can say, this is so fucking unfair. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you x

Sarah said...

oh no, i am so very sorry. it's just so unfair. i know it's not helpful right now, but i hope you find peace soon.

Emilija said...

Nicole, I am so sorry. I want to say stupid reassuring things like, a lot of people miscarry the first time. But that probably doesn't make you feel any better. You'll find your way through this somehow. Just keep writing.

BerryBird said...

Oh, Nicole. I'm so sorry.

My Reality said...

Oh Fuck. I am so sorry Nicole. This is so unfair.

Alice said...

Oh no. I am so sorry. I have gone both ways--natural and a D & C. I was very opposed to a D & C the first time around - and didn't believe my doc that miscarrying naturally would be all that painful (he was right-it is incredibly painful). He suggested the D & C due to the pain and a "sense of closure." A D & C gave no closure--but it certainly was a heck of a lot less painful. I am thinking of you and so very sorry.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Nicole. There are no other words.

Marie-Baguette said...

I have no experience with what you are going through but Tertia at So Close was just told the same thing as you. http://tertia.typepad.com/
I was surprised to read in the comments to her posts that some women recommend to wait. There is a lot of talk of miraculous pregnancies after a mis diagnosis of miscarriage. One reader recommended this site:
http://www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com/

I have no idea if those ideas are valid or not but I thought you should know. I am thinking of you

Anns said...

this is horrible, and my heart goes out to you. the dnc is the best... I did the pills and you're right, it's not necessary to get the technicolor version of what was in there. be strong xo

Sticky Bun said...

I just came over from Bumble's website and just wanted to say how so, so, so sorry I am for your loss. Thinking of you...

Terra: said...

I'm so sorry.

Decidedly Bookish said...

Oh God, how awful. I'm so sorry xxx

Renee said...

HUGS! I'm so sorry.

I'm Praying for you.

three minute palaver said...

OMG Nicole, I am SO sorry that Pooter is gone. I really wanted this one to work for you. This really sucks. IMO I would recommend a D&C (having experienced both ways). Whatever you decide, it's all hard and heartbreaking. I wish this weren't happening to you. You're in my thoughts.

tipsymarie said...

Nicole,

I commented yesterday but it mysteriously disappeared.
I hope your dr. does not argue with you, mine recommended a d&c. When I thought I wanted to wait it out (why I don't know) he told me it wasn't necessary to put myself through that. Mine was also measuring well behind dates and there was no heartbeat at 8w.

There are no words to describe it. And it is smart of you to be ready for the horomone fallout, I wasn't warned (but I guess I should've known) and it hit hard.

Mine was two or three days after the d&c if that helps you time your meds.

Too many of us have been there and came out the other side scarred and bruised, but still ourselves. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it does get easier.

Sending you good thoughts honey.

Mands said...

Came over from Bumble. So sorry about what has happened. I hope you get your D&C soon.
*hugs*

Mands

Kate said...

I am so sorry, Nicole. It is so unfair.

I hope you are able to convince the doc about the D&C. That's what I chose--I don't think I could have handled the wait (and the weight) of "letting it happen."

The hormonal fallout started a day or two after the D&C, and I didn't feel like myself again for about four weeks. Looking back, it was exactly around 4 weeks that my HCGs finally went down to zero--so that explains why I was starting to feel somewhat normal again.

I am so sorry.

Dream Writer said...

(((NICOLE)) I am so, so sorry...