Sunday, March 11, 2007

Reverse anorexia?

The bleeding appears to have come to a halt for now. Apparently the appearance of the great dildocam put a stop to the flow. And, the doctor never did identify the source of the blood, everything looked healthy to him.

I have to say that having my legs in stirrups with a doctor rootin' around down there was a strange experience to have with my husband in the room. All of you that have experienced IVF and other high tech procedures probably snort at me when you read that. But it was the first time for me, so it was a bit odd.

And now for something completely different...

Do you think reverse anorexia exists? Not overeating or anything like that, but the experience of looking in the mirror at your naked body and thinking that you can't really weigh that much. I frequently wonder where that 179 pounds is exactly. I know men who appear much larger than me and claim to weigh about that much. I think when I look in the mirror, I don't see the body I actually have. I think that I don't look that big, do I? I have done the same thing with my pants. I hold them up and think, holy crap, whose enormous pants are these? Oh, right, they're mine.

I have very broad shoulders and an enormous chest. Plus, I am apple shaped, which means my waist is bigger than my hips. Someone once told me that I have a diabetic body. Thanks. Also, my legs are kind of small and slender compared to my top half, it's a wonder that I don't fall forward from being so top heavy. Any one else out there have reverse body dysmorphia (my term for it only)?

19 comments:

Aurelia said...

Well, not exactly like you mean...but yes, sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder what's up. My body shape is changing and it doesn't seem to look the same as before, yet I weigh about the same.

Plus after pregnancies, I seem to have acquired extra skin in umm various places, ahem.

But also, we have to remember that muscle and fat weigh different amounts right? Maybe you are very strong? Maybe that number is just a number that doesn't mean much?

Sara said...

Interesting you mention the apple-shaped thing. I remember my mom holding forth with a theory that the people she knew with anorexia were wide-hipped and tended to carry weight in their hips/legs, and she wondered if there were something about looking *down* at yourself, at the angle that gives you, that makes you think you're bigger than you are.

Dildocam is only the beginning of having people root around in your nether regions whilst hubby is in the room. Labor is, obviously, the most egregious example. I hear that later ultrasounds don't involve the Magic Wand attachment to the machine, though

terri s. said...

1. If it makes you feel any better, when i'm 179 lbs, i'm in pretty good shape (as opposed to my current state....). One day I'll get back down there. Don't forget bone size/density. I use as often as i can....
2. Soooooooo happy about the presence of the peanut....
3. you'll get used to the wand. the addiction to the pics make a difference, and if the dr. can get a better pic later in pregnancy, they'll do it. I saw a huge textbook about intrarvaginal ultrasound on dr.'s desk. Made me laugh.
4. I agree. Wait until delivery......at that point, caring about that take a very far back seat....
have a great sunny day!

jane said...

I spotted with my 1st pregnancy. I'm glad everything is okay with Pooter.

Yes, I do the exact same thing as you about the weight. And your description? You described me to a "T". Only difference is 4 lbs in weight. Other than that, we're twins! Our boobs throw the weight off. If it was in our ass instead of our breasts, I think it would be a different story.
Oh and yeah, I am diabetic, too.

Susan said...

I bet I would have this, if, that is, I allowed myself to step on a scale and actually see how much I weigh. I know, from my skin tight pants that won't button, that I have gained A LOT of weight in the past year.
I fear my next dr. appt. when I am quite sure they'll make me step on a scale. I'm sure I'll be right there with you crying, "I CAN'T weigh THAT much!"

Barbara said...

I'm glad everything is going well.

Molecular Turtle said...

I would have to say the reverse thing has to exist. That happens to be all the time.

Renee said...

I have that warped body image too. I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see...but then I see myself in pictures and wonder who the heck is staring back at me. Most of the times the picture seems much bigger than I think I am but once my neice took a pix of me and I swear I looked like a skeleton!

Dream Writer said...

A friend of mine is overweight and she has a great sense of humour...she says she's "Anorexic Dyslexic." She sees the opposite in the mirror :)

I know what you mean..The weight that I am..I, personally feel that I don't look that weight, in fact, I think that I look thinner than the weight I am.

I guess that is because we carry our weight in different places..I carry some of my weight in my back (rolls), and of course around my stomach, but with clothes on, I look like I have a flat stomach...go figure!

Jenny F. Scientist said...

I'm glad you're okay now! Eeek.

I also look in the mirror and think "155? No way." Then I see guys who weigh what I do and they look like sticks.

Which reminds me that obsessively weighing myself at the gym is *perhaps* not the best idea.

Dino aka Katy said...

i know that I don't look my weight - but I see myself as fat and have always even when I was younger and skinnier. I was bulimic as teen and while I stoped throwing up I never have been okay with my body

Depressionista said...

Nicole, I have blogged about this VERY topic!
(http://snicksohwell.blogspot.com/2006/11/i-really-am-that-fat.html)
Here's a quote from my post:

"I have heard of body dysmorphic disorder, where people with eating disorders think they are fat even though they weigh 72 pounds and are 6 feet tall. I must have the opposite. When I look in the mirror, somehow I manage to look past the last 120 pounds I've gained and still see the normal-sized Depressionista from 15 years ago, and moreover, do it without conscious thought."

Yes, I definitely have reverse body dysmorphic disorder. And it sucks because you can go out and have a great time and even feel semi-sexy or attractive...and then once you see photos from the event you are so embarrassed.

Sigh. I can relate.

Glad, glad, glad to hear the bleeding has stopped. Great news!

Depressionista said...

Sorry, my link didn't work (not sure how to embed links in comments?) Anyway, in case you're curious, you can find my "Yes I Really Am THAT Fat" post on my blog under the date November 11, 2006.

Shortie said...

I have no idea if it exists but it sure could! You are a hoot my dear. I'm so glad your baby is ok. :)

Bumble said...

Just wanted to say how so so happy I am that the bleeding has stopped Nicole! I hope the rest is very uneventful!

BerryBird said...

I definitely get this, and like Renee, it's usually worst for me when I see photos of myself. I try to comfort myself by saying, oh, it's just a bad shot, but when they're all bad? I must really look like that. Sigh.

marlena rivers said...

hi. glad everything's going well. i've gotten used to having the boyfriend in the room, i actually find it comforting and this current dr. i go to is very fast and does not take too long in compromising positions. i find it harder to get used to frequent blood tests and other tests involving needles. (like the CVS that i got which was to avoid the needle in the amnio and get results earlier, but i ended up getting needle in the CVS test). every time i go for a pregnancy checkup they have another excuse to stick a needle in my arm. i'm very bad with needles and have to keep my eyes closed and avoid seeing the tubes of blood they take out cause that makes me sick.
enjoy enjoying your body! i'm going through a paranoid body dysmorphic stage where i focus on negatives... not too different from before the pregnancy...

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I think I used to have that, LOL, but unfortunately, I've gone over the top and I look fat even to me. WAHN! I don't WANT to!

On the other hand, some people carry their weight better than others. If you're muscular, you have less fat and it's distributed better. If you get lots of exercise, your perception might be right. Plus, large breasts could weight 25 pounds each! LOL!

There was a time when I was overweight, but no one believed how much I weighed. {Now I do look fat. (Wahn!)}

Ol' Lady said...

'they' say that every 7 years a woman's body changes...I know mine has...the last changes proved that gravity does work :)