Friday, February 16, 2007

Still kickin'

Have I told you all recently that I love you? Because, I do. You have all provided much needed support. I am feeling a bit more on an even keel, despite the fact that we are pretty much snowed in. According to the guy that gravelled our long, steep driveway a couple of years ago, no plow truck could ever hope to make it up our driveway to plow it. He said that he would come dig us out on Saturday with a BACK HOE! Oh my god, what's that gonna cost us?

So I took a taxi into my therapy appointment today, because I really, really needed therapy badly. Glad I did, because along with all of your comments, it helped. Screw the mock trial, I am too busy with real life stuff anyway. If I keep telling myself that, eventually I will believe it. That helps me avoid the idea of running into the main lecture hall, and blowing everyone away with one well placed nuc1ear we@pon. (Please don't call the police, because in reality, just the fact that I thought of that scares the hell out of me. I have a hard time hurting a spider, much less a human being.) Anyway, with my fabulous mental health record, no one would let me have so much as a BB gun. So step away from the phone!

Now I am about to rant about my overly religious, bible thumping sister. I hope that I don't offend those of you who do have faith in a higher being, but I really need to get this out. I have the utmost respect for people who keep the faith, but I consider faith and religion and spirituality a very private thing. I have no problem with people who blog about it, it's their blog after all, and that never offends me. I also am not offended when people say they will pray for me or someone else. It shows that they care in their own way, I am grateful for that. But when someone actively and specifically tells (not requests, but instructs) me to pray, when they know that I don't and won't, it really bugs the fuck out of me. I am an adult, I have made my decision after much deep thought, and I plan on sticking with it. I do have a godchild, and her mother knows my feelings. I see myself as a spiritual person, in my own right, not a religious person. So I think I am up for the job. That said, here goes my rant.

My sister, let's call her Beth for now, she is an elementary school teacher and the 3rd of the four girls in my family. All of us didn't exactly get all of the love and attention that we needed as kids, so we each found individual ways of getting attention outside the family. I chose school and buried myself in it, typical 1st child syndrome. The 2nd, we'll call her Anne, well she chose sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, oh and the occasional beating from a boyfriend or two. Beth carved out her own niche, by attending church pretty much every day from the time she was around 8 years old. She had a friend whose father was a pastor and she attended church with them, every chance she could get. Not a bad plan, if it wasn't to the extreme. She preached to all of us on a daily basis. She told our mother that if she didn't go to church she couldn't continue to be her mother, and she said she would be adopting a new mom from church. Nice, huh? The funniest one, was when she told our mother that when she got married, she would have to sit in the second row, while her "real", church mom would get to sit in the first row. My mother said that if that was in her plans, then she had best ask her new mom to pay for the wedding as well. With all of the trouble that Anne and myself gave my mother, nothing was more difficult to battle than a bible thumping, self righteous teenager called Beth. Nothing.

Beth knows very well that I am not a Christian, I am Buddhist. Period. I don't talk about my spirituality with her unless she asks a specific question. And even then, I limit it to very basic, need to know information. I have asked her repeatedly not to preach to me and to keep her faith to herself around me. Yes, I am a total bitch, but that's just me. As an aside, she does things that I don't usually associate with a devout Christian. Before her wedding she got a full Brazilian wax job. FULL! Now, I really try hard not the judge her, but that just struck me as odd. But hey, what do I know. The other funny thing this kid did as a teenager to demonstrate her faith, she got a tattoo. Not a big deal, except that it's on her ass and is a tattoo consisting of a Jesus fish, a cross, and some other religious symbol I didn't recognize. Anne and I taunt her regularly and tell her she is sitting on God. We're relentless, I know, but it's our job, because we're sisters.

Now Beth is pretty clueless about life's challenges in general. And her awareness of the struggles of infertility is zilch, nada, nothing. Her idea of struggling to have a baby is trying to build up enough funds to buy all the nursery furniture from P0ttery B@rn. That's her biggest concern. So from the land of clueless, she continues to send me updates on 4th sis', Carrie's, pregnancy. In fact, Beth went so far as to announce the sex of Carrie's fetus today and send out a picture of her pregnant belly. Never mind, that Carrie is perfectly capable and probably wanted to do the gender announcement herself. And I won't even go on about the fact that she signed it "Aunt Beth". But the final straw was when she told me to pray for Carrie, her pregnancy, and her baby girl.

It's everything I can do to not send her a picture of my middle finger. Everything.


Dream Writer said...

I agree that Religion and Spirituallity is a private thing..and I agree that there are loads of people that "Preach" whether it be in person or in their blogs.

I will tell people that are in pain that I am thinking about them or praying for them, but NEVER do I say Pray or anything..I neve tell others what to do when it comes to religion.

And by the way, We love you too!!!

Aurelia said...

OMG, you are a buddhist? After what I wrote the other day? HAHAHAHAHA

I am so psychic...

Anyway, I agree with dream writer. I will tell people I will pray for them, (not that it will do any good, heathen that I am.) But I don't tell other people to pray...especially if they aren't religious themselves...makes no sense to me?

And I heart you too!

OHN said...

I am a recovering catholic--need I say more?

I stumbled upon your blog from a comment you made on someone elses blog I read (don't remember which one, sorry) and I just stopped by to say hi...I will keep checking back as I really like your style. (Also, we just got a new pup that after seeing your JRT, I think ours has some of that in him-looks alot alike.)

Isn't it too bad that we can't pick our family?! It is soooo not fair that we get stuck with some of the fuckers we get stuck with!

Emilija said...

Religion and mental illness can be a fun mix! I can't tell you all the religious thoughts I have had in the midst of psychosis. I kind of decided God is a monster. Which, actually, isn't that irrational a thought if you are in a really horrible, painful depression that is so bad that you want to die. But I'm suspicious of anyone who claims to have all the answers and be without doubt. I do know, however, that many of the people who tried to tell me that god could help me get out of my depression were well-intention, if misguided.

theoneliner said...

Send her a picture of your middle finger!!! do it! how annoying. i hate bible thumpers. seriously. they kill me.
to each is own.

glad you're feeling a little better.

Sara said...

Is it wrong that I cackled at that last line and said, "I really wish she would?

Yeah, it probably is. I should NOT encourage you. I should DEFINITELY not be cheering you on.....

She's older than Littlest Sis, but she's still VERY young, and VERY clueless, and VERY self-absorbed.

Tell her she needs to pray for guidance as to why she needs to be the center of freakin' attention. "Sis, can you ask Jesus why you stole Carrie's thunder with that email the other day?"

Of course, with your luck, Littlest Sis will decide to have another baby immediately, just to be the one who gets to announce the gender that time...

Or you could send both of them links to that creepy special on intersex babies I watched the weekend before Primo was born, with the comment, "of course, you can never really be sure...."

Adrienne said...

If you don't want to send her a picture of your middle finger, I'll take one of mine and you can send her that. J.C. on a freakin' popsicle stick that's really annoying. (But maybe that's why she does it? You and your sister poke her - as any good sister would - maybe she's returning the favor in the only way she knows how. Not excusing it, but maybe that's why.)

And glad you're feeling the love around here.

Dino aka Katy said...

oh I am so with you one that I HATE WHEN PEOPLE PREACH TO ME. my favorite is when they tell me I'll go to hell if I don't go to church arrggggggg
thats when I wish I could find some decent goth cloths around here and dye my hair black again and dig out my jewelery and stuff

Sarah said...

:) If you send out any pics of your middle finger you will have to post it here too....

Sounds like your sister isn't very good at respecting other peoples lives/choices/feelings... rather self focused... it seems strange to me that extreme religion seems to do that to people...

But i'm a biased non-religious person. :)

Decidedly Bookish said...

Never mind a picture of your middle finger. Send her a cream cake in the post. A mouldy cream cake. Decorated with pubes. xxx

Barbara said...

There's no reasoning with bible-thumpers, ever.

Renee said...

It isn't very Christian of your Sister to be preaching to you. A true Christian shares their faith but doesn't gloat about it. They have enough faith to let God handle the rest.

I'm sorry that your sister is like that. I will pray for her.

Nicole said...

Dream Writer-Thanks for the love. And yes, I have no problem with people who pray for me, in fact I am flattered by the efforts on my behalf, grateful even.

Aurelia-Yes, a Buddhist, I am, although not a very good one. But that's the beauty of this philosophy, it's filled with honoring the struggles of human kind. And I have those in spades.

ohn-Me, too. I am also a recovering Catholic. And the kicker is that I joined the religion on my own when I was 15, only to walk away from it at 21. I could never make it fit what was going on in my life. But I do like the rituals. I am a big fan of ritual.

Emilija-Nothing like the combination of BPD and God. Good times to be had by all. And, I am all for the good intentions of my praying friends.

the oneliner-Sometimes when I think of Bible thumpers, I see me thumping a bible too. However it usually involves thumping the thumper over the head with their Bible. Oh I am so so bad.

Sara-Loved your response, it had me rolling with laughter. And, I may have to use your suggestion of telling her to pray for a friggin' clue. You crack me up! Oh, and yes, please do encourage me. ;)

Adrienne-You make a good point about her retaliation for us sisters always poking at her. I'm definitely gonna have to give that some thought.

Dino-Ooooh, I like the goth idea. More ammunition, I love it.

Sarah-You got it. It's the extremeness of the whole thing that drives my crazy.

Decidedly bookish-On that note, one time I did make a strange version of an Xmas ornament, affectionately called a pornament. Maybe I should send her that in her Xmas stocking next year.

Barbara-Good point, no reasoning at all. None.

Renee-Thanks for praying for Beth, I am sure that she would appreciate it. And, I sincerely hope that I didn't offend you. You sound like you got my point on that one. And, I really like the idea of putting it in God's hands. Thank you for your view.

Depressionista said...

I agree with you on the bible-thumping. Like you, I am completely okay with anybody believing what they want...but asking me to get on board is not okay.

Your sister's request for you to "pray for the baby" seems to me like a slap in the face. She doesn't sound very far as "Christian" behavior goes, I think the way she treats her family speaks louder than the tattoos and Brazilian wax job.

Sorry you have to deal with that.

Ol' Lady said...

Send the finger pic :)
While I wait to hear if you send the pic or not I will pray for you :p