Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Let the games begin...

Awww, you all just warm my heart with your well wishes and happy dances for me. I was very worried about posting about our news because I didn't know how it would affect my readers, especially those who are still fighting the good fight against infertility. I desperately worried that I would alienate some of my readers with my news and you would hate me and be bitter towards me, in the same awful way I am bitter toward my pregnant sister. I eventually decided that everyone is entitled to their bitterness and anger and if it helps to be angry with me then so be it. And so I trust that if I say anything lame or insensitive in the coming months, that you will all call me on it and I will be a slightly better person for having learned a lesson. Just promise me that you will call me on it, OK?

That said, I will give you a few details on how the whole thing is progressing at this point. I am at the 5 week mark. Pooter is the size of a sesame seed and already causing me problems. Apparently I didn't inherit the non-nausea gene from my mother (she claims she never experienced morning sickness with any of her 4 pregnancies). So, if being green is equivalent to glowing, then I glow like a mo-fo. Or if being bright red from a recent trip to the bathroom and an attempt to squeeze out the tiniest poop qualifies as glowing then I am practically nuclear. My dreams seem to illustrate my anxiety through all of this. Last night, I had a dream that I gave birth to a 1 year old boy, and after a good amount of unsuccessful nursing attempts, my left nipple fell off. That's right, it fell right off and didn't even bleed. Nice, huh?

I should also mention that the fabulous doctor that I found a few months ago will no longer be delivering babies as of July because as a small 2 doctor practice they can't afford the insurance any longer. So I am going to stick with them for a little while until I can make an educated decision on who will birth it if I make it that far. I am considering going out of town for two reasons. First, the other single practitioner doctor is addicted to episiotomies and doesn't appreciate input from the mom on how things will be run. Second, the big practice that births almost everyone's babies in this town has been labelled by my G.P., my pdoc, and a number of nurses I have talked to as a "Baby Factory". Now, I have at least a couple of friends here who went through their system and were quite satisfied. I, however, am a self proclaimed difficult patient, and they don't deal well with people like me. I have tried them for routine GYN stuff, and walked out in tears or in a fit of rage. I don't need either while I am pregnant. My friends think i am a bit crazy, I think, because of my view point. So, I am looking into the neighboring areas for good docs and my current doc will have some info for me about what they think of the other doctors.

I have mixed feelings about midwives. Some seem fabulous, while others seem like old battle axes. And I don't really feel like leaving it up to the luck of the draw. Plus, all the local midwives are in cahoots with the baby factory. It's like a monopoly around here.

Then, there is the idea of a doula, added into the mix. Sounds like a particularly attractive option for someone like me who has a very high chance of postpartum psychosis, according to my pdoc. Given those odds, I think Husband and I may need a little help and coddling, especially after the birth. I am a bit concerned that Husband will feel like the doula is usurping his position as my supporter, but perhaps the doula will be a good person for him to talk to if and when he has concerns about me, especially once he becomes comfortable with her. We will be talking to my doula choice next week sometime. I will let you know.

In the meantime, I have an incredible craving for turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy. Trying to convince my vegetarian husband to incorporate gravy into all of our meals has been a bit of a stretch. Although, he is really trying hard. Mushroom gravy seems to do the trick, but it still doesn't go well with pizza or salad. It's incredible how I can be so nauseous and so ravenously hungry at the same time.


Jackie said...

Nicole, if you can stomach it, metamucil or some other form of psyllium should help with the constipation. It has worked for other pregnant friends and actually is great all around independent of pregnancy. I recommend the smooth orange flavor. Sugar free is gritty and tastes worse.
Good luck.

Not so little sister said...

Yay. I'm so excited for more pregnancy posts! Good luck with the ralphing and the pooping. I had a friend who didn't have morning sickness just bad constipation.

Ahh...pregnancy. One of the only times it's appropriate to talk vividly about bodily functions!

Aurelia said...

Constipation-what Jackie said.

Plus diclectin for the nausea, which contains a certain sleep med totally safe in pregnancy. Doxylamine and pyridoxine, check Motherisk...you can get these over the counter in the US, but not as an all in one drug, like in Canada and Europe. Some lahyer sued, and now all the poor US moms have to throw up or make their own version with the over the counter stuff. The most studied drug in pregnancy, and US women can't get it...unless you mix your own. Chemistry, anyone?


Oh, I and just SO hate you for getting pregnant.



tipsymarie said...

We don't hate you for getting pregnant, we can always find solace in our lack of vomiting and constipation. :)

Those are excellent signs to be having so early. I think you are in for a healthy and happy pregnancy!

Best of luck and I'll keep checking in . . .I love your blog. My uncle was bipolar, as well as other relatives, so I can identify with a lot of things you mention.

Bumble said...

Glad the symptoms are there in full force, its a great sign, but I hope they don't give you too much trouble!

Barbara said...

Hi Nicole - I'll be back to read your post after American Idol is over. I just wanted you to know that I posted the answer to your question on how I get those great pictures of birds. I put put my explanation on the bottom of the post where you asked about it. Thanks! See you later, I'm late for Idol.

Sara said...

Bran. Bran cereal for breakfast. Black bean soup for lunch as often as possible. Lots of water. Ginger tea.

The cafeteria named for the trefoil wildflower does a *mean* chicken and biscuits, or used to. All the starch and yellowish salty gravy you can desire for a low, low price. I lived on it when Primo was gestating.

Didja know there were homebirth midwives in town? And you can rent birth tubs... That might be a better plan than having to drive to any of the surrounding communities while in labor. Car+labor+long drive=you tearing husband's head off and gnawing his spine down to a bloody stub. Probably. Plus, to the best of my knowledge, you might not get a much better attitude from MD-types further afield, though there is a GP in the Community Next Door that delivers babies - or used to...

Dino aka Katy said...

hey I am glad you posted your news. yeah I get sad when I hear all these people getting pregnant and I am still trying but on the other hand I am very happy for you. Please keep us updated on everything

Adrienne said...

Share away, girlfriend! We're all right there with you.

And psyllium, psyllium, psyllium. It works like a charm.

Barbara said...

Nauseous and hungry, i remember those days. I'm still so happy for you. Congratulations again!

Renee said...

Oh I'm so happy for you!!!!!!! That's the bestest news ever...and the fact that you're very sick is a great sign too. Sometimes (old wives tale comin) that can mean it's a girl cuz all the extra estrogen just makes you sick...but then I've also heard that moms get sick from boys too. The Girlfriend's guide to pregnancy says its your body reacting to all the growth hormones.
I'm glad to hear that lowering your dose to 50 ml seemed to work for you. The reports on that drug aren't good, but the regular human dose is 300 to 400 ml. So finding that lower working level is great. I hope it continues to work for you or you find you can lower it further.

oh goodie! I'm so happy for you.

serenity said...

What??? Pregnant???? How did I miss THAT?????

YAY! That's great news!!!!! :)

*going back to read up on the post I missed*

And I will tell you that, in a pinch (no pun intended hahahahah!), prunes work VERY well for constipation.

Course, with the nausea and all you'll have to get them down first...

Erin said...

Yay for the details. I am queen of the details. Give me more.

I like the doula idea. I'm also drawn towards midwives in theory. Reality is always a different story.

Casey said...

First, sorry about the nausea and constipation. The suckiness cannot be over-stated.

Second, where does the "battle axe midwife" stereotype come from? I just read this really horrid screed, written by a male physician, about "battle axe" advance practice nurses and how they're all "pit bulls and elephants." I think it's sexism. Don't buy into it. (Not that you have, but y'know, public service announcement and all.)

Third, I struggled with severe PPD (well, probably PPPsy) after my first pregnancy. I'd be happy to talk with you about it if you want. PPD is a monster. I hope you don't have to deal with it.

jane said...

Did you know I think you are adorable? I had never heard of a doula, so I had to look it up. The postpartum one sounds wonderful. Well, they all do, but especially that one.
It's great you are thinking of all this so far in advance. I also agree about the doctor, make sure you get one you feel comfortable with. Have you asked your current doctor for recommendations?
The nipple thing is a trip, I wish I knew how to interpret dreams, lol. Take good care of you & lil one.

Jenny F. Scientist said...

Oh dear, I hope my turkey-for-dinner was not the motive force behind this craving!

And what Aurelia says. I read those papers too.

And really, the local midwives are unsympathetic??? Because the ones here, I want to put them in a box and take them with me. They remind me of a cross between my mother and my childhood GP. So nice! So competent! So soothing! Good luck finding someone you do like though.

Dream Writer said...

As a Mother of Four...I would say the Old-Fashion way helps with constipation...Apple Juice or a nice hot cup of coffee or Hot water!!

Loosens the shit right up!! No pun intended :)

I LOVED being pregnant even when it was tough..enjoy it...it is so well worth it!

Marie-Baguette said...

Congratulations!!!! Just like you I always thought the 2nd line would appear right away, and get mad I was not pregnant (when I was). For constipation, all bran cereals, decaf and cold water first thing in the morning!

Bugsy said...

Congratulations hun. I am sooo very excited for you. All the very best for the next 8 months or so.

Reese said...

OMG you're preggers???!!!!!! I must read up. I've been so busy the past few days and haven't blogged. Now I need to read more. I didn't even finish the post! OH WOW!! CONGRATS!!!!!

theoneliner said...

holy smoly. good gracious...i work hard all day for a couple of days...and you get knocked up! good gracious!
i'm sure all of us are 100% happy for you!
i know i am. CONGRATS!

Ol' Lady said...

Good luck with the 'morning sickness' I had it very much thank you...by the time Baby arrived I finally figured out why it's called 'morning sickness'...it starts the morning after conception and ends at the birth :)

marlena rivers said...

oh i'm confused. i've been emailing you when i meant to post a comment. anyway there was not room on the email to tell you i had a similar experience! at 8 weeks the dr. i was set on working with told me she was not delivering babies anymore! i was very anxious about it but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as i found an even better more thorough doctor with a more organized staff as my former ob/gyn had a very spaced out group of people working for her. this new dr. knows my mom for 25 years and he is so thorough and sensitive to the bipolar issues and has the best bed side manner i've come across so far. so it worked out great to switch. i hope you find someone you're comfortable with. funny, my boyfriend/partner is a carnivore and i'm the vegetarian! our child will be brought up in a mixed household where i'll only feed him or her veg. food and denzel will feed him or her the meat! how are you and your husband going to deal with that?
for constipation i recommend you take omega 3 fatty acid supplements. they're highly recommended for fetal brain development anyway. you can take a fish oil pill of 300mg of DHA per day. i take the vegetarian kind. i think it happens to help with keeping you regular as a secondary benefit. also you can drink up to 3 cups of coffee safely per day so don't stop your morning coffee if you're used to it, as stopping it could constipate you! can't wait to hear more.

Sarah said...

Thanks for all of your lovely comments. :) And congratulations!!! Sorry I didn’t comment earlier, I think I was in a pissy mood when I first saw ‘the news’ and couldn’t come up with real feeling behind my words. That’s my new thing to help me not feel like a sellout… I’m trying to not write happy congratulation comments until I actually feel happy. And now I do!

Nicole said...

Now with comments for the commenters...

Jackie: looking into the metamucil thing, for now the constipation has subsided, but I am sure that it will return

NSLS: thanks for being excited for me, and sadly, I am never inhibited about talking about my bodily functions. farts, burps, pees, poops, and boobs were regular table conversation at my house growing up

Aurelia: Looking into all of the things you have mentioned. And don't be a hater. Hehehe. ;)

tipsymarie: glad I didn't scare you away with my bipolarness. feels so good to have your support and understanding

bumble: I am glad that the symptoms are in full force too, but it's a bit nerve racking when they feel like PMS and it seems that I will be getting my period in any minute.

Barbara: hope you enjoyed your idol. and thanks for the camera info

Sara: thanks for the advice. I am swimming in black beans and water and the constipation has subsided for now. strangely though, the smell of ginger makes me a bit sick right now.

dino: thanks for your honesty, it is always appreciated

adrienne: I am all over that psyllium stuff. Thanks for the advice.

Renee: Thanks for the happiness. It is much appreciated. And, I must say I have an intense craving for girl scout cookies. :)

Serenity: You are right, prunes work like magic. Now if I could only figure out how to keep them down. Hmmm. I wonder if they have chocolate covered prunes.

Erin: Thanks for the well wishes. And you'll be sorry for encouraging me on the details. I am filled with details, beware. :)

Casey: Thanks for calling me on the stereotype, your caring honesty is very appreciated. I haven't ruled out the midwives entirely, still keeping my options open.

Jane: thanks for calling me adorable, I don't think anyone has called me that before and it feels nice. I am really excited about the doula idea, given the PPD chances, I think that would work well.

Jenny F. : I hope I do find a good midwife, but my past experience hasn't been fabulous. Still looking though.

Dream Writer: I am just happy to have symptoms, it feels somewhat reassuring to have them.

Marie-baguette: Thanks for the comment, I will be lurking on your blog very soon. Always nice to have a new person to stalk. :)

Bugsy: thanks for the congrats, it still doesn't really feel real yet

Reese: Thanks so much for the congrats, I am still trying to convince myself it's true

The Oneliner: Thanks for the congrats. And what are your working so hard for? You're the boss lady now and it's time to do some slacking! :)

Ol'Lady: I always wondered why they called it morning sickness.

Marlena: I am waiting for my new supply of omega-3's. I use them to help with my bipolar as well. Thanks for the support and well wishes, I need all that I can get right now.

Sarah: Thank you so much for your compassionate honesty. I really really appreciate it. And you are right, don't say anything you don't mean. I am your sister in whatever feelings you have. OK?

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

CONGRATULATIONS! WOW! What exciting news! YAY! I'm so happy for you!

I had TERRIBLE morning sickness. I won't go into the gory details (except to say that I was a runner and would stop along the way to barf in the ditch and continue).

Hope the word barf doesn't make you. It might have me.