Monday, May 14, 2007

Good grief.

Husband and I were sitting on the couch with our fancy beers enjoying the fresh air coming through our open sliding glass door. Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a small dark blur head for the glass door and then a loud thump. When I got up to see what or who was attacking our home, I saw the little guy lying outside in the ivy. I watched this little bird die and take its last breath. After the wings relaxed and the tail folded in, Husband gently scooped him up and carried her into the forest where her body could go back into the earth. I felt an enormous sense of loss and was reminded of all the human losses that we all have endured over the year.

The next day was Mother's Day. And, we found ourselves sitting on the upper deck outside our bedroom. Suddenly, I noticed the repetitive bird call that had been going on for some time already. When I finally saw the little singing bird, it became clear that this call was a call to its partner. A desperate call looking for the little bird that died the day before. I quietly wondered when the bird would give up and go forward to raise the chicks safely tucked in their nest, on its own, all alone.

Updated to add: Just when I thought it was safe to check my email, I get one of those emails. You know the one. Friend from grade school sent me her ultrasound photos, plus photos of her recent trip to France, plus her new address. She just bought a home where she will be starting her new faculty position.

You know when they tell kids that if you do well in school and follow all the rules that good things will happen. Well, that's the biggest lie we tell children today.

28 comments:

megan said...

poor little birdies. now i'm all teared up. poor boos. i'm sorry you had such a visible reminder of your losses.

ultimatejourney said...

Oh my gosh, that's so sad. I'm sorry that happened on an already difficult day.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Oh, I feel so bad when little birds do that. It is interesting that you wrote this because on the news this morning their was a piece on the wildfires in Fl and how the birds are getting disoriented and flying into windows like crazy. They must have showed this happening at least 4 times and I just wanted to cry!

Carrie said...

Oh Nicole, how sad. I so hate to see animals, or birds, distressed. It's too hard.

It's even worse when it pokes a wound.

Aurelia said...

This is such a good story and such a saaaad post. ((hugs)) I hope your day wasn't too difficult. And I hope your exams are over! I've missed you!

Sticky Bun said...

That's the saddest story! I can't believe you had to watch that...I'm so sorry! And, I'm sorry about the u/s photos, etc. on mother's day. As if we don't have enough on that day! ugh...

(Also, thanks for popping over and commenting on my blog.)

Sarah said...

good grief indeed! how much can the universe pile on in one weekend?? hope you've got some more of those fancy beers in the fridge...

dmarie said...

good grief is a good way to put it. I actually felt serious sadness take over reading that story. sorry you had to see it IRL.

BerryBird said...

Oh, I hate seeing suffering like that. We've had birds fly into our windows several times already this spring, but they've all flown away so far. I still worry they've suffered internal injuries. How sad.

Julia said...

Oh, Nicole. That was one rough weekend.

My Reality said...

The bird story brought tears to my eyes. Sigh.

Ol' Lady said...

Birds fly into the big kitchen windows at our camp all the time, I keep the windows real clean cause it is a great view to the lake...maybe I should put some sticker on the windows to help distract them.
That really sucks about the email, maybe for now you should not be the one opening them, get hubby to do it and he could check it over to make sure that there is no baby shit in it and if there was then he could send a quick note back and tell them what's up with the two of you...I think men handle these situations a bit better than women
Hope you have a good week :)

Adrienne said...

Sad, so sad. A reminder of the losses, but also a reminder that we are not the only ones who suffer. That's comforting to me, at least. It makes it feel a bit less personal - a reminder that I've done nothing to deserve it. Because I haven't. And neither have you. Peace to you.

Patience said...

Huge, huge lie.....

Poor little birds... x

Dino aka Katy said...

sorry mothersday is hard enough with out those scenes and emails.

Barbara said...

Nicole - Don't wash your windows, the grime reduces the glare and the birds won't run into the windows as often.

Poor little bird, I know how you feel.

niobe said...

What a sad, sad story.

I once had something similar happen to me, though with a much happier ending.

A very small bird flew directly into my sliding glass door and fell to the deck and lay there absolutely still. I was sure that it was dead, but when I picked it up, I could feel its heart beating. It had only knocked itself out and within a few minutes, a little unsteadily, it flew off.

Anns said...

Oh that just breaks my heart... the bird and the email.

thrice said...

It seems as if fertiles don't even have a clue that fellow friends and/or family members *might* have a fertility problem and/or *might* have losses.

I'm sorry that you were a recipient of such insensitivity.

ellie said...

poor birdie...I had one hit my front window and flop over to my doorstep mat. It was tragic.

True about the things we tell kids...I think the one where we grow up, get married and just have kids is the one that got me-- never occurred to me that having children was something we would struggle with...

Tam said...

Oh I'm sorry these things make you sad sweetie, it's hard :( Thinking of you and sending you BIG hugs xxx

Jenny F. Scientist said...

New rule: No emailing of ultrasound pictures to anyone but blood relatives, and maybe not even them. Yaaaar.

occasionalconfusion said...

doI was good. I'm still waiting for things to happen, but I try not to be so pesimist...eh sometimes i can't help it. Bummer about the birdie :-( it does hurt me too to see animals die and thinking the life that they left behind...

Emilija said...

There are a lot of lies that they tell children. Like if you just try hard enough, you will succeed. And if you fail, it is because you didn't try hard enough. Which sets you up for a lot of guilt and self-loathing when things don't go well.

Baby Blues said...

That's sad. As a child I saw a newly hatched bird fall to its death from its nest. I was bawling over it and couldn't forget it.

Casey said...

(((Nicole)))

Tinker said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!

I watched the day before yesterday as a crow picked a fledgling robin out of its nest and swooped away with the little guy in its beak while the parents screamed after it. Later that afternoon the crow was back. This time I saw it dive to the lawn to snatch another baby that had landed there. I managed to get to the door in time to scare it off, and the little one hopped quickly to the shelter of our deck. Its parents had watched carefully and knew where it was, because I saw them bring the little guy some worms, but I too pondered how the loss of that first chick affected life for the parents and other fledglings.

Andria and Co. said...

Aww... poor birdies!!! And... I know what you mean about one of those people. I had three miscarriages last year, and, of course, was depressed. I think a major part of my depression was the crap I had to deal with from certain people. I needed empathy, I needed hugs. I didn't need someone telling me that "God sometimes does bad things to bad people." Ugh..sorry, I am off on a rant now.
PS- Love your blog.