Monday, December 17, 2007

Aluminum

Have you ever seen a shiny polished metal surface and been impressed by its image of strength? I see them everywhere. On buildings that threaten to scratch the sky. On protective interior walls that show our reflections. On molded structures that illustrate the mind of an architect (anyone seen the Experience Music Project (EMP) Building in Seattle?). They are threatening, and solid, and invincible. In the same way, many cover their houses in metal siding that claims the same. The siding that you will never have to paint again. The siding that will last a lifetime. But as soon as Junior bumps it with her softball that siding gives way to show a large dent. Ah, aluminum siding lures us into a place of security only to reveal a malleable surface that can't tolerate the slightest rub.

I am the aluminum siding that tries so hard to look like the EMP or those threatening sky scrapers. I sell myself with claims of competence and resistance. That shiny surface wants to be impenetrable but it keeps denting. I am so filled with dents and yet I still try to reflect a sturdy shell that will last a lifetime.

My faux steel shell makes claims of toughness and abrasive talk. Aggression that can't be swayed and promises of bodily harm to those who refuse to give to my strength. But when aluminum siding is put up as a barrier, the only harm that comes is to the one who chose it...me.

I called my doctor, finally. It took me the better part of the day to muster up the strength to make the call. The receptionist was less than receptive. The doctor sounded like he could see my craziness right through the phone. I got an appointment for tomorrow morning at 9:30am and I am absolutely sick over it. I hate that I need someone else to tell me everything is OK. I want to just feel OK without confirmation from others. I am not tough or aggressive or confident. I am soft, unsure, and scared. I am ashamed that I need this appointment. I am ashamed that I called and revealed what a hypochondriac that I am.

I am aluminum siding.

21 comments:

Dino aka Katy said...

there is nothing wrong with wanting a second opinion especially after what you know you have. Don't worry they will take your concerns serious.

Sarah said...

You are not a totally 'normal' pregnant woman because of your uterus. It is better to check on your cervix than have any problems. I'm not the best at sticking up for myself either, but calling and making an appt makes sense... even if the doctor tries to make you feel like you are being too worried.

thrice said...

You are allowed to be unsure of yourself. A lot of this is because of managed care, doctor's just don't have time to be doctors anymore.

You have reasons, that you have mentioned to be concerned. Please stop selling yourself short.

serenity said...

Yes, what the others have said. If you're not comfortable with a diagnosis, you're not comfortable with a diagnosis, and you owe it to yourself to get more information until you're comfortable. There. You're not weak for doing this.

And FWIW, I had the same thing you did - it was a low grade UTI. I had never had one before, so I thought it was normal. No burning, just pressure, went a lot, and had some slight pain when I went.

Good luck tomorrow - and keep us posted, k?

Alexandra said...

Nicole, dear, you are doing exactly the right thing, which is taking good care of your baby. Even with far less at stake (i.e., I'm not pregnant), I'd seek a second opinion if a doctor had "diagnosed" me with a UTI based on a phone conversation. Good heavens. You are not aluminum siding, you are, um, a brick house (per Lionel Richie).

Maybe that is not the right image. But you are doing the right thing, and your first doctor was doing the wrong thing.

megan said...

you should not be ashamed that you made this appointment. there is nothing wrong or weak about needing information or reassurance. i'm glad you made it. please keep us updated.

My Reality said...

Do NOT feel bad for making the appointment.

If your baby was on the outside, you wouldn't think twice about dragging the child to the doctor if you thought something might be wrong, right? How is this any different?

Sara said...

You know what is cool about aluminum siding?

Back in the 50s, a lot of people got talked into covering their houses with it. And they put it on right over the cedar clapboards or shakes.

And all those years, the siding was there. And because it was protected, often, you can take off the siding and have original, beautiful wood underneath be as nice as they day they sealed it up. Yeah, maybe it didn't need to be up in the first place, but it served a purpose all the same.


`

Nadine said...

Don't be ashamed. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to make sure everything is OK.

Julia said...

Completely reasonable. Incompetent cervix is nothing to play around with because the stakes of missing it are so high. If you are at risk for it, the doctor should've scheduled the appointment to check on it himself. And what Reality said-- you are checking on the health of your baby. Nothing to beat yourself up over.
Please let us know what happens tomorrow.

BerryBird said...

There is no shame in doing what is right for you and your baby... that is something to be proud of.

Jason and Samantha said...

I am another hypochondriac, my hubby is ten times worse. This is a girl who almost went to the ER for round ligament pain. Good for you for pushing the issue.

(hugs) you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Cate said...

Good luck at your appointment. I would've done exactly the same thing.

Cibele said...

PLEASE NICOLE, dont feel ashamed that you need this appointment. trust me, I've been there so many times, called my doc because was not feeling morning sickness anymore, because UTI, because I was just plain scared... or needed some reassurance, needed somebody else to tell me that everything was OK. You know what? they dont do it for free either.. you pay them a service and is our right to ask to come in when we need to!
YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN MY DEAR...

Aurelia said...

Sigh...aluminum siding doesn't rust.

So, it may have a few dents, but it lasts much much longer than anything else ever does.

You have a UTI. It is perfectly reasonable to want to see an actual Doc, and frankly, I don't get what the big whoop is to him, or to you. It's an appointment, not an MRI.

And what's wrong with showing a little crazy? Show yours and I'll show mine, hehe. Seriously, he knew you were bipolar and off your meds. Too effin' bad he might have to accommodate that.

You need medical care get it, and never ever feel ashamed.

From Here To Maternity said...

Nothing wrong with wanting assurance, it doesn't make you weak.

Casey said...

Hey, at least you're not vinyl siding. That stuff is nasty.

Good luck at the appointment. You did the right thing to call.

ymp said...

This is not crazy. Trust me, I do analogous things. It's not crazy to know what you need in order to feel safe.

hope548 said...

I think you are following your instincts to make sure everything is all right and protect your baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
I hope all is well!

niobe said...

Hey, at least you're aluminum siding. I, on the other hand, am aluminum foil. ; )

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