No such thing as immaculate

So, if you look at the post I wrote just before this one, you will see that I didn't have a lot of faith in immaculate conception. Yesterday, I thought I spoke too soon. Today, I think I was right the first time around.

I got a shiny white negative HPT on Monday. Then when I noticed there was no Aunt Flo hangin' around, I peed on another stick two days later. It came up positive. Not a bright second line, but a line nevertheless. So, I had my beta HCG checked with a blood draw (and my progesterone by the way). Tonight, I got the results and it didn't look so promising. 54 is the grand number that isn't so grand. If the IF blogging world has taught me anything, it's that 54 is not promising. My progesterone is all good, but I can't get that damn 54 out of my head.

I go back in for another beta to see if that number is doubling. But, I gotta be honest, I am not so sure that 108 is going to make me feel any better. I'm sad, very very sad.

Is this thing still on?

So sorry for dropping off the face of the blogosphere for so long. I have been battling my thoughts on how to manage my blog. While I really want to write quite a bit and even set aside some time for it, I also really want you, my bloggie buddies, to read it and comment. But, how can I expect others to read and comment when I have not been doing the same. Basically, I feel bad for not making the time to visit all my bloggie buddies. Surely, the rules for blogging are no less strict than the rules for in-person friendships. If I don't return phone calls, do I really deserve to get any phone calls? I think not.

And, so on that theory, I stopped writing for a bit. I kept telling myself that as soon as things calmed down I would resume my original time commitment to blogging. As many of you would have predicted though, things never calmed down. Sixteen units in l@w school really is an insane load. A 25 hour per week part-time job at a wine shop really does contribute to total exhaustion. Another job doing research for an attorney may not absorb a lot of time, but it sure absorbs a lot of mental space. Plus, the volunteer job for yet another attorney (so I can learn actually how to practice l@w as assigned counsel in TinyTown) has an inverse relationship between salary paid and time taken. (I think I can already hear the "Well, duh." from the peanut gallery.)

Given all that keeps me busy, I still find myself quite lonely in the world of TTC and just general emotional/social connection. So in the interest of a hint of sanity, I think I need to keep writing even if I fail to visit others for now. So, if you are still reading, please stop by for a visit again and take it on faith that I will come by yours after the completion of the semester. Really, I will.

Now, for a quick update on life below the belt.

Two weeks ago, all the blood tests started to suggest that I had an ectopic pregnancy cruisin' around in there. After an emergency appointment with the dildocam, it turns out that my body finally figured things out and ejected that lingering blastocyst that was producing HCG at a record low. Much wine was enjoyed that evening. This week, I got the news that I have a cute little 3cm cyst on left ovary. Good times. Apparently, I am to go back for another romp with Mr. Dildocam in 3 months to check on cute little cyst. More good times. And in case any of you are wondering, trying to conceive and have sex on demand with a housemate wandering about does NOT work. So, in the absence of immaculate conception, there will be no double lines this month either.