Tuesday, August 5, 2008

A View from the Edge

Have you ever wondered what the view from the edge looked like? No? Me, neither. But I can tell you what the view is anyway. I sit here checking out the view as I type. It's a bit scary. And instead of waking my husband to tell him what my edge's view looks like, I am typing. From my view from the edge, I choose manically cleaning my house and doing all the things that I couldn't get done during the day because of my new baby. I choose this over taking my meds tonight. After all, if I take those meds, then I will have to sleep. How can you clean a house while you're asleep? Let's just say that when you are examining the view from the edge, it's best to not look down.


jeanie said...

Oooh - general run-of-the-mill boring people are crazy enough on sleep deprivation to try and have a clean house in combination with a new baby.

That being said, a friend whose mother has a manic few months every "mango" season takes turns with her siblings in having mum stay - and the trade off is the immaculate house.

Mess may not pick itself up - but it will lie there and wait for you while you sleep - and while you enjoy the moments of awake with your baby.

Or spend those edge moments developing the pill that combines both happy mental health with great housework.

Sara said...

Nicole. Stop Cleaning. And call me if you need help today. And remember my occasional need to tell off people who aren't related to me.

Julia said...

Oy. I don't know that I have anything useful to say, but I just wanted to say that I am here and I am listening.

Aurelia said...

Sweetie, take your pills!

Clean houses are overrated...take your meds and make your husband clean up. Seriously---yelling at husbands is the main activity of new moms.

Eliza said...

I think Mammamer said it best: a clean house is a sign of a wasted life. You need sleep more. Take your meds. The mess will wait. Or the husband can pick it up. Or your house could just be a little bit messy like everybody else who isn't filthy rich when there is a new baby about. My mom is bipolar. I wish she had taken her meds when I was a little kid instead of ____. Maybe a lot of things would have turned out better, for all of us. Seriously. Not judging or condemning, just sharing. I wish you all the best and am listening, too.

thrice said...

I have so been there, where I easily stayed up until 2 or 4 AM, because I felt like the WHOLE world would fall apart if I didn't do *some*, okay all, basic cleaning (read: dishes, bottles, pumping, sweeping, organizing, scrubbing my husband's piss off the toilet rim, etc.) Then I moved on to typed out lists to try to control the mayhem.

It's a tough time for every new mom, maybe more so for us. Are you taking meds? If not, start. If so, try different ones. Definitely not worth going into the deep abyss.

I'm listening too. If I can help by phone, just holler.

Terra Incognita said...

I remember those days. I can tell you now, I wish I had slept. LOL. But that was when I didn't know I had bipolar disorder.
Take care of yourself. The house can wait.

Cibele said...

Just be careful not to go too close my friend. The house can wait, your health is more important. GO REST!

Casey said...

I understand needing a break from the meds, and I think you've been dealing with these issues for long enough that you know how close you can go to the edge without losing your footing, so to speak. And I understand the crazy-makingness of a dirty house, so I get where you're coming from.

I think you might find, though, that even better than staying up all night cleaning is sleeping all night and asking a friend to come over to help in the morning. I wish I lived close enough to be that friend, Nicole.

marlena rivers said...

hi there, i didnt know you were back on meds. are you able to breastfeed anyway? just curious what meds you're taking as i had to stop breastfeeding to take mine.
wo! i've done that thing of staying up and not following the sleep when the baby sleeps. not good. someone else should be cleaning the house. that cute baby from the picture is still very young. your only job is to take care of yourself so you can take care of her, plus thedogs. saw the later post, breaks my heart about your dog. my doggie just turned sixteen. well , you know some of his trials and tribulations. it is very intensely emotional to have a new baby adn an old dog. i could write a whole essay about it. you're doing a great job. sounds so heartbreaking to ahve to say good bye to him but once a dog isnt at least excited to go outside and sniff around, he may be saying he's tired. oh how terribly sad. but you have a beautiful baby!